This is a SAMPLE of the Tier 2 report — every mistake explained (not just the first few) and a Band-up rewrite, unlocked. Tier 3 adds a deeper diagnostic, a vocabulary vault, and a personalised 3-step practice plan for this essay on top of this.
Nowadays, many educational systems are debating whether students should be force to do unpaid community service before they graduate. In my opinion, I strongly agree that this policy would benefit both students and society, although it need to be organised carefully. Firstly, doing volunteer work helps teenagers to understand the real problems that exist outside of the classroom. For example, working in a nursing home or a food bank, students can see directly how elderly people or poor familys struggle in daily life. This kind of experience is hard to teach only from a textbook, and it builds empathy in a way that exams cannot measure. Moreover, employers today are looking for candidates who have soft skills such as teamwork and communication, and community service is a natural way to practise these abilities before entering the workforce. On the other hand, there is a risk that making the programme compulsory could backfire. If students are forced to volunteer, some of them might see it as just another boring homework, which they finish it with the minimum effort possible. This would defeat the whole purpose of the scheme, because true volunteering should come from personal motivation, not obligation. To avoid this problem, schools could offer a wide range of organisations to choose from, so students feel they have some ownership over the experience. In conclusion, although there are some practical difficulties, I believe the benefits for both individual character growth and for society outweighs the drawbacks. Schools should introduce compulsory community service, but the programme must give students enough choice and guidance to keep it meaningful rather than a tickbox exercise.
You take a clear position and support it with two developed arguments (empathy-building, employability) plus a genuine counter-argument, which is what separates Band 7 from Band 6 here. The conclusion restates your view but doesn't add anything the body paragraphs didn't already establish.
Paragraphing is logical (position → argument 1 → argument 2 → counter-argument → conclusion) and cohesive devices like 'On the other hand' and 'To avoid this problem' are used naturally.
'Poor familys' (should be 'families') and the repeated plain 'good/bad' framing cap this at Band 6 — a genuine Band 7 needs the errors you do make to be rarer.
'Should be force to do' (passive construction error), 'it need to be organised' (subject-verb agreement), and 'which they finish it with' (redundant pronoun) are three distinct error types in one essay.
“should be force to do unpaid community service”
Passive voice needs the past participle, not the bare verb.
→ should be forced to do unpaid community service
“it need to be organised carefully”
Subject-verb agreement: 'it' takes a singular verb.
→ it needs to be organised carefully
“poor familys struggle”
Irregular plural: 'family' → 'families', not 'familys'.
→ poor families struggle
“which they finish it with the minimum effort possible”
Redundant object pronoun — 'it' duplicates what 'which' already refers to.
→ which they finish with the minimum effort possible
“outweighs the drawbacks”
Subject-verb agreement: 'the benefits... outweighs' should be plural.
→ outweigh the drawbacks
Nowadays, many educational systems are debating whether students should be required to complete unpaid community service before they graduate. In my opinion, I strongly agree that this policy would benefit both students and society, although it needs to be organised carefully. Firstly, doing volunteer work helps teenagers understand the real problems that exist outside the classroom. For example, by working in a nursing home or a food bank, students can see directly how elderly people or families in poverty struggle in daily life — an experience that is difficult to convey through a textbook alone, and one that builds empathy exams cannot measure. Moreover, employers increasingly look for candidates with soft skills such as teamwork and communication, and community service offers a natural way to practise these abilities before entering the workforce. On the other hand, there is a risk that making the programme compulsory could backfire. If students are forced to volunteer, some may treat it as just another obligation, completing it with minimal effort — which would defeat the scheme's purpose, since genuine volunteering should stem from personal motivation rather than compulsion. To avoid this, schools could offer a wide range of organisations to choose from, giving students a sense of ownership over the experience. In conclusion, although practical difficulties exist, I believe the benefits for both individual character growth and society outweigh the drawbacks. Schools should introduce compulsory community service, provided the programme offers students enough choice and guidance to remain meaningful rather than a mere formality.